Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Terms of Service

Inspired by Tobold's Terms Of Service and his emo outbreak on Whiny Post Day a few weeks ago, I decided to write up my own Terms of Service.
Article I – Freedom of Expression
1.1 The blog author reserves the right to blog about whatever he likes, as often as he likes.

1.2 The views expressed are his opinion, unless otherwise attributed to someone or something else.

1.2.1 The author reserves the right to attribute opinions to anonymous or even hypothetical individuals such as “Everyone”,“No one”, or "Some Guy". For further clarification on the right to attribute things to “Everyone”, see Article 1.1.

1.2.2 The author reserves the right to occasionally be lazy and not link or cite sources for quotes, figures or other meaningful information.

1.2.3 The author further reserves the right to paraphrase other’s views and opinions. Such paraphrases are to be considered the interpretation of the author and as such the opinion of what the author thinks or believed the other person intended to say. Such opinions will usually, but not always be, qualified with text similar to: “What so-and-so is trying to say is...”

1.2.4 The author reserves the right to create hypothetical numbers and scenarios as illustrative examples of a specific point.

1.3 Readers have the right to say whatever the hell they want in the comment section with the below conditions:

1.3.1 Unsolicited advertisements are not allowed.

1.3.2 The author has the right to delete comments for whatever reason without explanation. As of March 2009, blog author has never exercised his right of deletion.

1.3.3 The author prefers to police trolling with logic and reason. As a general practice, the right to deletion will not be exercised. However, the right to such deletion is reserved as stated in Article 1.3.2 if the author deems the situation warranted.

Article II – Disputes
2.1 In the event that you disagree with what the author writes on a blog topic, you have the right to comment on it. (see Article 1.3)

2.2 Readers who disagree with any of the author’s rights as expressed in “Article I” have the right to Go Fuck Themselves.

2.2.1 Complaints about the topics the author chooses to write about are advised to Fuck Off. (see Article 1.1)

2.2.2 Complaints about the frequency of the author’s posting are also advised to Fuck Off. (see Article 1.1)

2.3 The author reserves the right to not give a shit if you disagree with him and advises the reader to likewise not give a shit if he disagrees with them.

2.3.1 In the event that the reader does give a shit about the views of the blog author, the author would like to refer the reader to Article 1.1 and in particular, Article 2.2.1.

I think most of these points are simply implied by the nature of this type of communication. However, judging from some of the reactions on Tobold's post, it doesn't look like everyone gets the idea that blogs are about expressing personal opinions.

For clarity, thank you for reading and I hope you continue to read, but – this is MY blog.

Update 4-07-10: 
I wrote this several weeks back and then forgot about it. I don't actually take myself seriously enough to feel I need a TOS, but hopefully you found the humor in it.


Klepsacovic said...

You can't have freedom of expression! If you do you might say something I don't like! HOW DARE YOU!

Anonymous said...

Blogging is serious business, yo.

Anonymous said...

Complaints about the frequency of the author’s posting are also advised to Fuck Off. (see Article 1.1)

You and your legal mummbo-jumbo, how am I, the average person, supposed to be expected to understand this ToS.